


Why Tsukune Should Never Eat The Cookies

by LOTLOF



Category: Rosario + Vampire
Genre: Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-26 05:45:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 11,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/647188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LOTLOF/pseuds/LOTLOF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of comedic scenes and one shots set in Rosario Vampire. Please enjoy and do not take seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cookies

**Author's Note:**

> This first story is not actually mine. It was written by 'MistressWinowyll' and sent to me by PM. I really liked it and told her she should post it. She told me I should do it but to give her the credit. So… credit duly given, and you know you are my mistress. Those of you who are fans of mine will know I have a story called 'Why Kakashi Should Never Read Out Loud.' Where I put tiny comedic scenes or one shots that pop into my head. This will be something similar for RV. Expect all other stories here to be my own work.
> 
> This story was originally posted by me on Fanfiction.net in 2009.
> 
> Any of you who enjoy my stories are welcome to read more of them at my website, storiesfromlotlof.com.

"Tsu-ku-ne..." Mizore sing songs his name, sashaying over to him with a provocative saunter.

Pant. Pant. "Mi-mizore-chan...n-not again...for Kami's sake we've done it 7 times!"

"Then if you don't want to...then lets ask your body if it wants to."

Grope, grope, lick, lick, gulp, tongue roll, tongue roll, lick...

"Gah!...Miz-zore-chan! Th-that's not...that's not...!"

"Fair? Nothing ever is, Tsukune-kun...now, breathe slow and take it easy. I promise I won't hurt you."

xxx

Next morning.

"Tsukune!"

Door opens to reveal Kurumu with a plate full of cookies. "I thought we could share these while we watch the fire...Ack!"

Mizore has Tsukune straddled, reverse cowgirl'd and ridding him for all her worth. Pale skin flushed and hair stuck to her sweat sleeked body, she looks over at Kurumu with rapturous eyes, "There...on...the table...thanks."

xxx

Everyone saw Kurumu stomping back with determination pinched on her face.

"Kurumu-chan?" Moka asked curiously.

Not saying a word, she picks up the saddle laying close by and marches back to the way she came.

xxx

Tsukune's body is twitching in aches as Mizore lounged asleep off to his side with her body cocked at weird angles.

"Water..." Tsukune pants..."Must...have..water..."

Kurumu doesn't even knock when she opens the door and closes it behind her.

"Kurumu-chan...please...help me..."

"You are my destined one, Tsukune!" She said, her tone accusing. "I will not let any other girl show you what they can do without showing you the true prowess of a succubus!"

Dragging him by his leg, she pulls him into another room.

"Kurumu-chan, please...no!"

xxx

Moka enters one room to see a naked Mizore contently asleep, next room Kurumu is getting pounded away from behind, Tsukune's hand fisting the back of her hair. The loud wet slaps of their bodies meeting.

"Tsukune!" Moka cries in horror.

"The cookies! She made me eat the cookies! They're cursed!" He cried in defiance, his body twitching and visibly aching with the strenuous and powerful movements.

Kurumu made beautiful, blissful sounds to orchestrate the room with the music of sex.

Moka runs from the room screaming.

xxx

Crying on Yukari's shoulder, she says, "What should I do?"

"I know! Desu!"

She plucks the rosario off of Moka, and the silver haired matured Moka rises to her feet and wipes the pathetic tears from her face angrily. "My other self is so weak. Thank you, little witch. I'll take care of this."

She is gone in a flash, with Yukari giggling.

xxx

"almost...there...just...a...little...**." Tsukune falls to the ground in a dehydrated heap.

Right in front of his face is the very slender legs of Moka in her true self.

"You are coming with me, Tsukune."

xxx

One week later, Moka and Tsukune appear, but for some reason Tsukune has several IV bags in his arms and he's strapped to a hospital bed.

"Thank you, Tsukune. Now yo do know who is the best lover out of all us,  
yes?"

Croak.

That the only sound he can make.

"Rest up for tomorrow. I'll make sure the girls and I have a proper test when you are properly prepared. Until then," She gives him a small kiss to his cheek. "Know your place, Tsukune."

She disappears in a flurry of bats.

Just when he thought he was going to get some rest, small fingers glide up his leg to his body.

Croak.

"Desu!"

"Y-yukari..." That was the last he heard till he realized he was so weak he  
couldn't do anything to stop her from using her magic...he was so sensitive,  
so painfully hard after she waved her wand and hexed him.

"Now...to make me a woman!"

xxx

"So...you really had no control over these matters, huh?" The policeman said as he shoved Tsukune into his cell. "We don't take kindly to pedophiles!"

Despite everything, Tsukune thought with some degree of comfort, "At least I won't get sexually assaulted."

"Hey, boy...you sure do got purty lips." A deep throaty voice sounded off behind him.

"Yeah, yeah, boss...I bet you we's got ourselves a nice tight piece of virgin tail." This one with was close enough for him to smell the chew tobacco on  
him.

"Ah, hell."


	2. Ultimate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by some PMs between me and Mistress Winowyll. What can I say? She's a bad influence.

Near the end of her second summer break Kurumu decided to head home for about a week and visit her mom. She'd just spent a crazy time at a little beach resort with Tsukune and her friends from the newspaper club. As usual they'd wound up fighting for their lives when all they wanted was to relax and have a little fun.

Also as usual the trip had ended with the bad guys thoroughly trashed and Moka and Tsukune closer than ever. No matter what she did she kept losing to that vampire who was her best friend / rival / worst enemy.

Her mom listened patiently to all of this and then provided her some motherly advice.

"Kurumu dear," Ageha said patiently. "You need to switch your aim, there's more than one way to win your destined one's heart. Instead of aiming at his little soldier try to win over his mind."

"His mind?" Kurumu said blinking.

Ageha nodded. "Seduction can be a lot more subtle than just rubbing his face in your breasts. As fun as that might be. Try taking him out for a picnic, ask him to carry your books while you hold his arm, or see if he'd like to pick flowers with you. You can make him think of you in a whole different and more romantic way. In the end the mind is the ultimate sexual organ."

Kurumu's eyebrows jumped up at hearing that. "It is?"

Ageha nodded vigorously. "It certainly is."

Smacking a fist in her palm Kurumu made a decision. "All right then! When I get back I'll try appealing to Tsukune's mind! Yahoo!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Tsukune and Moka were walking to class side by side when...

"TSUKUNE!"

Tsukune turned just in time to see a field of yellow obscure his sight. Unlike every other time Kurumu had greeted him like this though she did not shove him face first into her huge breasts. Rather she grabbed him by the shoulders and held him down a bit as she began to vigorously rub her boobs back and forth over the top of his head.

"Kurumu! What are you doing?!" An outraged Moka demanded.

The succubus looked over at her and winked. "Haven't you heard? The mind is the ultimate sex organ!"


	3. Careful what you wish for

In Japan it is tradition that on New Year's Day people go to the local temple to make an offering and to write down a wish for the coming year. Though she didn't much believe in it Moka nevertheless went out on the New Year morning. She would finally be leaving the human world and her horrid middle school far behind. Soon she would be in the realm of monsters again and attending Youkai Academy. Just the chance to get away from humans and start over again seemed like a wish being granted to her.

Still, since this would be her last New Year's in the human world for awhile she decided to get dressed up and join the slowly shuffling throng heading for the temple. It was better than just sitting in her apartment all alone. She went to the temple and made a half hearted offering. She then proceeded to the wooden boards where people wrote out their wishes and then pinned them up. It was an old tradition and sort of fun.

Pen in hand she stared at a blank slip of paper and thought about what she should wish for. She finally wrote:

A friend.

She was about to fold the paper up in half when she noted how much empty space there was by her two words. Taking the pen she also wrote:

One who can accept me for what I am.

She again began to fold it but hesitated. Ah what the heck, she thought. She took her pen out once more and added:

And who has really yummy blood and will let me drink it whenever I want.

Satisfied she folded it up and pinned it to the board.

XXXXXXXXXX

Yukari was home for a few weeks from boarding school. She got to enjoy this precious little respite with her beloved momma and poppa. Soon she would have to leave home again, this time for Youkai Academy a High School for monsters. She had been constantly teased and ostracized at boarding school and expected things to be even worse when she attended High School as an over smart eleven year old witch. Fantasizing on what she would like her High School experience to be like she wrote:

I want to have a beautiful girl and a kind hearted boy fight to protect me and become my precious friends. Then they would invite me into their bed where we would get all warm and sweaty. The girl would start licking my

"Yukari!" her mother said sharply looking over her shoulder. "Just what are you writing?"

"Nothing momma!" She quickly scratched out everything after, 'precious friends' and pinned her wish to the board.

XXXXXXXXXX

Kurumu was dressed up in a yukata along with her mom. As always when they went out they drew a swarm of male admirers. Most of them focused on her mom but Kurumu got her share of admirers too. More than a dozen boys of High School or College age tried to chat her up or get her phone number. She also had a couple older gentlemen offer to hire her as a live in nanny. All this without her making any sort of effort. For a beauty like me it's just too damn easy, she thought. Men are just so weak.

When she got her slip of paper she wrote:

I want to meet my destined one at Youkai Academy and have him actually resist me. I want a real challenge.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mizore wrote:

I want to meet a boy I can fall in love with and introduce to my mom as my boyfriend. I also want to bring him back to my village so I can offer myself to him amid the flowers and show him my boobies.

XXXXXXXXXX

Gin wrote:

I want to get the two hottest girls in the freshmen class into the newspaper club and have them fall madly and totally in love with their fellow club member.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nekonome wrote:

I want to eat a lot of fish. (This is what she wrote every New Year's.)

XXXXXXXXXX

Tsukune and his cousin Kyouko were attending the local festivities along with his parents. Having gotten separated they were writing out their wishes. Kyouko was done and noticed Tsukune still writing what had to be a very detailed wish. Feeling curious she snatched the slip of paper from his hand as soon as he was done writing.

"Hey!" He objected.

"I just want to see what you wrote," she told him.

The note read:

I want a beautiful and kind girl to fall in love with me. I want a dangerous rough girl to fall in love with me. I want a really sexy girl with huge boobs to fall in love with me and shove my face in her boobies all the time. I want a shy quiet girl to fall in love with me and follow me around wherever I go.

Frowning she handed it back to him. "Geez Tsuki! How many girls do you think you need anyway?"

"Ah come on Kyouko, it's just a dumb wish, let me have a little fun." He pinned it to the board. "Here let me see yours."

"No way!" She quickly pinned hers then grabbed his hand and dragged him away. "Now let's go find Uncle and Auntie."

"No fair," Tsukune grumbled. "You saw mine."

"Don't worry about it," she said. "It was stupid."

On her note was written:

I want to visit my cousin Tsuki at his new school and have sex with him without anyone ever finding out.


	4. Toy

"Just what are you to Tsukune anyway?" Won Fan Fan asked. Just why were these girls getting in the way of his recruiting Tsukune into his mafia clan?

Proudly and with clear voice each of them answered his question.

"I'm his friend!" Moka said.

"His lover!" Kurumu declared.

"Wife," said Mizore.

"Concubine," called Yukari.

"Toy!" Ruby shouted.

"Oy! What are you guys… wait a minute! What do you mean toy?!" Tsukune gasped.

XXXXXXXXXX

As had happened far too many times before Tsukune had been forced to fight for his life only to be rescued by Inner Moka.

Following all the excitement Tsukune was heading back to his room when by chance he spotted Ruby… also alone.

"Ruby!" He called out and hurried to her side.

Seeing him she immediately halted and some color rose to her cheeks. "Hello Tsukune, what can I do for you?" Are you wanting a daily bento? The thought made her face get even redder.

"Ah, actually Ruby-san I was wanting to ask you something, about earlier."

"What is it Tsukune?"

He looked a bit embarrassed. "Uhm, do you remember when you and the girls were facing off with Fan Fan. Did you… did you say something about being my, er, toy?"

She nodded her head without any embarrassment. "Yes I did."

"Ah, well what did you mean by that?"

She gave him a confused look. "What did I mean?" She asked questioningly.

"Right," Tsukune repeated. "What did you mean by that?"

"I meant exactly what my words implied Tsukune, I am your toy, your willing play thing." Putting her hands together she took a carefully step closer to him. "I would gladly let you do aaaaaaaanything you wanted. And of course I'd be totally discreet, it you wanted to play with your toy it wouldn't be anyone's business but ours."

His throat was suddenly dry and his knees were just a little weak. "Anything?" He asked warily.

"Anything," she said smiling at him.

"Even, even…" too embarrassed to say it out loud he leaned in and hurriedly whispered in her ear. As he did so her smile got wider.

"Oooooh, that sounds like fun, and I happen to have a black leather cat outfit back in my room."

"You do?" He said weakly.

She nodded. "Want to come play with your toy Tsukune?"

"Ah, well, maybe just this once."

Taking his hand she hustled him back to her room before he could change his mind. She wondered if as they were playing she could get him to tie her up and gag her.


	5. Catchphrase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This relates to events in my story, 'The Mighty Vampire Aono' where Tsukune is a, uh, mighty vampire.

"Oooof!" The minotaur was sent flying into some nearby trees. He gave out a groan and slumped down unconscious.

Tsukune stood there staring at him. "Uhm, ah, know your place?"

The girls all sweat dropped.

"What was that?" Moka cried.

Tsukune looked at her feeling guilty. "I didn't want to fight him, I didn't have a choice." It was the truth. Since Tsukune was now known to be a vampire various members of the student body were eager to challenge him and prove their own strength by fighting one of the elite monsters.

But Moka shook her head. "Not that Tsukune, of course you had to fight him and I'm glad you beat him so easily. I mean you have my vampire blood now after all."

Tsukune now looked really confused. "Well if you're okay with me fighting then what is the problem?"

"It's not the fight! It's the catchphrase!" Moka told him.

"Huh?"

"You can't use my catchphrase, it's embarrassing." Moka told him.

"It is?" He asked sheepishly.

"Yes it is," she told him firmly. "Especially the way you use it. 'Uhm, ah, know your place?'" She closed her eyes and shook her head. "That's just plain embarrassing."

"It's really weak," Kurumu agreed.

"Awkward," Mizore said.

"It really makes you sound dumb, desu." Yukari told him.

Ruby nodded sadly. "You're losing a lot of man points. I'm not sure I want you to tie me up and discipline me anymore."

Discipline you? Tsukune mouthed.

"You need to come up with your own catchphrase," Moka said. "Something original."

"Yahoo! Something manly and strong!" Kurumu said.

"Something intimidating," Mizore added.

"Ah, well, okay I'll try," Tsukune promised.

XXXXXXXXXX

Only a few minutes later he was challenged by a cyclopse. After quickly defeating him Tsukune said... "Knowing is half the battle!"

The girls all stared at him.

"I'm going home," Moka announced.

"Me too," Kurumu said dejectedly.

"It's a good thing he's cute," Mizore mumbled.

"How disappointing. Desu."

"Now who will I fantasize about?" Ruby said in a near wail.

Tsukune stood by the badly beaten cyclopse watching them go. Whoa! I guess I really need to work on this.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next day he was attacked by a golem.

"I'll be back!"

The girls all groaned and hurried away.

XXXXXXXXXX

The day after that he was challenged by a hill giant.

"You forgot one thing… I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!"

The girls departed too embarrassed to even look at him.

XXXXXXXXXX

The following day he was called out by an ogre.

"Bond… James Bond."

"Wow Tsukune that's pretty dumb," Kurumu told him.

"Geez Tsukune!" Yukari cried in disappointment. "Even Kurumu is more intelligent than you!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Then there was a swamp monster.

"My Mama always said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates."

XXXXXXXXXX

An umber hulk.

"I'm Batman!"

XXXXXXXXXX

And a shinigami.

"You complete me."

"Uggh! That's enough!" Moka cried. "Tsukune how can you be so bad at this?"

"But…"

"Don't you know every hero needs to have a really cool catchphrase he can use when he beats up the bad guy?" Kurumu told him.

Mizore nodded. "You're just not complete without something to say."

"But I…"

"It's too bad," Yukari said. "Maybe we should hang out more with Gin. Desu."

"Do you think he would like to tie me up?" Ruby asked

As he stood there helpless he saw all the girls start to leave him.

"Hey vampire! I hear you think you're pretty tough." A drow came towards him. I challenge you to…"

Frustrated beyond belief Tsukune grabbed him by the throat and began to administer a savage beating. "Shut up! Just shut up!" He screamed into the drow's face. "You think I give a damn?! Not only do I have to spend all my free time beating up idiots like you, but I have to come up with a catchphrase too?! It's too much! Get the hell out of here or I'll fu#ing kill you!!" He screamed.

Fearing for his life the drow fled.

The girls had all stopped and were staring at him now in shock. Seeing their reaction and realizing what he's just said he stared back at them in shame.

"Tsukune," Moka whispered. "I can't believe what I just heard."

"I'm sorry Moka," he said apologetically. "I didn't really mean…"

"That was awesome!" She cried.

"Huh?"

"What a great catchphrase!" Kurumu shouted excitedly. "'Get the hell out of here or I'll fu#ing kill you.' That was terrific!"

"Very manly," Mizore agreed.

"I think I'll use it the next time I get in a fight! Desu!"

"Please tie me up and punish me master, Ruby has been a bad girl."

"Girls are scary," he muttered to himself and walked away.


	6. Mizore's Day

Mizore woke up at 5 a.m. ready to begin a new day. She hurriedly showered, dressed, got a bite to eat, and headed out with her trusty journal and pen in hand.

She was sitting atop the girls' dorm with her binoculars fixed on Tsukune's window. She took her pen out and scribbled a few notes.

'6:04 a.m. Tsukune wake up. Has on those cute boxers with the smiley faces on them. Gets undressed to go use men's room. Nice butt!'

She changed positions and crawled into the air ducts of the boys' dorm.

'6:12 a.m. Tsukune takes shower, very manly, I think he is starting to grow some chest hair.'

When he left the dorm she hid out ion some nearby shrubs and followed him.

'7:11 a.m. Meets Moka and they stare at each other murmuring one another's names. I have to throw an ice dagger at them to make it stop. Tsukune still doesn't realize we're soul mates. I'm sure sooner or later my love will reach him.'

'7:19 a.m. Kurumu tries to smother Tsukune in her breasts again. She doesn't understand that he much prefers smaller firm breasts like mine.'

She stopped hiding in order to attend homeroom with him. Then noted all her observations of him during the day.

'9:44 a.m. Tsukune yawned in science class, it was so adorable!'

'11:05 a.m. Tsukune made a 75 on pop quiz in match. Note to self work on math and offer to tutor him.'

'12:44 p.m. Tsukune sat down with Moka, Kurumu, and Yukari for lunch. He was having the meatloaf and wondered aloud what kind of meat was in it. Yukari told him it was probably gremlin. He started throwing up.'

So cute! (Draws little heart symbols.)

'2:20 p.m. A pretty freshman girl talks to him in hallway asking if he can help her with her English lessons.'

'2:23 p.m. Shoved the girl down the stairs,'

The notations continued until he went to bed. Mizore then headed back to her room feeling very happy with the day.

"Excuse me! Mizore-san?"

She stopped to see a boy near the entrance to the girls' dorm, apparently waiting for her. She was vaguely recognized him as a classmate in her Math and English classes. "Yes?"

The boy bowed to her and spoke in a loud rush. "My name is Honto Keitaro! Even though we've never really talked much I think you are absolutely wonderful and the cutest girl I have ever seen. Please, go on a date with me!"

A confession? Mizore thought in surprise. It was very, very flattering but there was only one boy who she wanted to hear a confession from.

"I'm very sorry," she told him sincerely. "I'm afraid I'm already in love with someone else. I thank you for your feelings though."

"So you already have a boyfriend?" He asked dejectedly.

"Well technically we're not dating, but sooner or later we will be so I can't start seeing anyone else."

"If you're not dating though there's still a chance. I promise to chase after you until you agree to go out with me!"

"I'm not interested in dating you Keitaro," Mizore told him again, kindly but firmly. "I am interested in someone else."

"I don't care! Even if that's the case I'm sure that if I pursue you long enough sooner or later my feelings will reach you!"

She stared at him for a second before walking into the dorm with a shake of her head. "Chasing after someone who obviously isn't interested in you. That's just sad."

She hurried to get dinner so she could get to bed and be ready for her usual routine again.


	7. Campus visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again my thanks to Mistress Winowyl and her twisted little imagination and her IMs.

It was the middle of summer break and the campus of Youkai Academy was swarming with both adults and young teenagers. A large banner hung outside the main building and read:

Welcome parents and future students!

Many of the adults who had brought children with them were alumni. Two in particular here former classmates…

"Now Mizore," a graceful mother in a yukata spoke around a lollipop. "I want you to remember the reason you're coming here."

Her daughter was dressed much more casually wearing an oversized shirt and skirt with striped purple stockings. "To find my future husband," she replied dutifully.

Tsurara nodded. "Most of the students here intend to go to college or find jobs in the human world. You don't need to worry about that. Just find yourself a good man who makes you happy and can be a proper father."

"What if he doesn't like me though?" She asked sounding a bit worried.

"Don't worry about that, we're Yukki-ona. If you find someone you like just kidnap him."

"Yes mother."

"Oh, and if you can steal him away from some slutty succubus so much the better."

"Uh, okay."

XXX

Ageha was in one of her low cut dresses that was about half an inch from being obscene. Behind her was her pretty daughter in a yellow sweater. As they were walking along just about every male eye of adult and teen turned towards them.

"Kurumu-chan, I expect you to own this school like I did when I was a student here. There shouldn't be a boy that doesn't know your name, got it?"

"Yes, momma!"

"Remember, men are VERY simple creatures. They'll depend on you to do their thinking for them. I'm sure with all the males that will be coming to school here at least one of them will be worthy of being your Destined One. Him you treat with love, affection, and respect. All the others are just there to buy you things and make you feel good."

"Right mom! Yahoo! I can hardly wait!"

Ageha nodded approvingly. "Oh, and if you see a weakling snow maiden with a lollipop in her mouth all the time, it will be your DUTY to steal her boyfriend, do you hear me? Make the girl cry."

"Uh, sure momma." As they were walking her daughter thought of something. "Hey! Maybe I can steal a vampire's boyfriend!"

Ageha shook her head. "Don't mess with vampires they can be very possessive I told you about that time I was dating Lord Akashiya didn't I?"

"But I wanna!" She cried. "Imagine what it would do for my reputation to one up a vampire!"

"Fine, fine," Ageha said. "If you happen to meet a female vampire who just happens to have a boy you want feel free to steal him."

"Yahoo!"

Ageha shook her head silently. Like there's any chance of that happening.

XXX

"Mother, would it be all right if I were to bring a human boy home with me?"

"You won't meet any humans while you're going to school here Mizore. They're forbidden and don't even know this place exists. Anyway what is it with you and human boys? Do you have some kind of fetish?"

Mizore shook her head. "I just think I'd like someone who has the perspective of being weak."

"Fine," Tsurara said. "If by some chance you should meet a human boy and decide you want him you have my blessing to take him. Just remember humans are fragile, they can't survive being frozen solid."

"Yes mother," Mizore said sounding serious.

As if there were any chance that could happen, Tsurara thought.

XXX

When the two groups ran into each other both adult women came to a sudden halt and arched their backs like angry cats. Their two daughters also came to a stop and wondered what was happening.

"Frigid bitch," Ageha hissed. "Haven't you melted yet?"

"Hello Ageha," Tsurara said pleasantly. "Have you caught any new social diseases you whore?"

The two old classmates glared at one another as their daughter stood by silent and momentarily forgotten.

Ageha suddenly grabbed Kurumu and pushed her out in front of herself. "This is my daughter! She's going to be the number one beauty at this school and make every boy worship her. Then she'll find her Destined One who will surely be the strongest, handsomest, and most amazing monster on campus."

Tsurara brought Mizore to stand before her. "Mizore–chan, I want you to wait until this girl has found her one true love and then kidnap him."

"Yes mother."

"What did you say?!" Ageha and Kurumu yelled together.

Blinking Mizore looked at her mother. "You were right mother; unusually large breasts do make you deaf and dumb."

"I know dear," Tsurara nodded.

"You know Tsurara I'm amazed you even managed to have a daughter. You've had sex what, twice in your life?"

"Unlike you who has probably had more than that since breakfast."

"You know I really feel sorry for your husband," Ageha said. "I mean it must be terrible hearing, 'Not tonight dear I'm frigid in more ways than one.' Every single night."

"Well you also must hear the same thing every night, 'you have to go, my wife is coming.'"

"You know why don't you send your husband over to visit me some time? I can show him that mating season can actually last more than half an hour each year."

"If you like," Tsurara replied. "I'll be sure he has all his shots."

"How can you even stand never having been with more than one man? I have new lovers left and right. They adore me and treat me like a goddess. I have men buying me expensive dinners, clothes, jewels…"

"Cab fare."

"You're just jealous because I actually have a little variety in my life."

"Yes, so much that you needed to write their names down or you forgot."

"That happened ONCE!!"

"You know when I'm about to go to bed my husband always says to me, 'good night dear I love you.' What is you hear? 'Can I pay for this with a check?'"

"This from someone who doesn't even know how to please a man! I bet you don't even know what to do with your tongue!"

In reply Tsurara opened her mouth and held her lollipop perfectly balanced at the tip of her tongue. She then flipped it into the air, caught it, and twirled it about before returning it to her mouth.

Ageha stares wide eyed. "Damn." She said respectfully.

"What? I've had a lollipop in my mouth every waking moment for the past twenty years. Did you think I liked them THAT much?"

"Oh never mind! I've got better things to do with my time than waste it with you." Ageha declared.

"Same here."

The two women turned around and stormed off leaving their daughter facing each other. They quietly eyed each other for a moment.

"Well I'll see you around ice queen."

Mizore nodded. "See you milk cow."

XXX

And at another part of the campus…

"Momma! Do you think I might meet a beautiful girl and kind hearted boy who will want to share their bed with me and make me a woman?"

Her mother looked at her in horror. "For goodness sakes Yukari you're eleven! Like there's a chance of something like that happening!"


	8. Special Lessons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of a little add on to my story, 'Special Rule.'

Tsukune and Kurumu were riding the elevator down to the lobby after having met with her mother Ageha. They were now off to have a date on the Vegas strip courtesy of Ageha's credit card.

"So Tsukune," Kurumu asked. "Was it hard having my mother remove my charm? Usually it doesn't take an hour for something like that."

"Oh, your mom removed the charm after just five minutes."

"Huh? Then what were you doing in there for the rest of the time?"

"Ah," Tsukune began to flush and look a little uncomfortable. "Your mother just showed me a few things she thought you might like."

"What sorts of things?" Kurumu asked suspiciously.

In answer Tsukune leaned over and licked a specific spot behind her left ear.

"Ahhhhhh!" Kurumu gave a loud unexpected moan as he sent a shiver all the way down her spine.

Seeing her reaction he grinned. "She showed me a lot of other even more interesting things."

"Ah, ah really?" Her knees were feeling a bit weak all of a sudden.

He tapped the credit card he'd been given against his chin. "You know we could get a hotel room and I could show you what she taught me."

"No," Kurumu said immediately.

"Oh, okay," Tsukune was surprised and a little disappointed.

"This is Vegas baby and we got my mom's credit card. We're getting the honeymoon suite at the Bellagio! "


	9. Another name for a cat

Tsukune was on his way to club activities one day when he ran into Nekonome-sensei in the hallway.

"Oh! Tsukune-kun, look what I found," the blonde, somewhat ditsy teacher greeted him. In her hand she held a tiny little kitten. "I think he must have gotten separated from his momma."

"He's adorable," Tsukune said and gently patted the tiny little cat's head. He meowed appreciatively.

"Since he's lost I'm going to take him home with me and take care of him."

Without warning the little kitten suddenly leapt from her hand and dashed down the hall past a numebr of surprised students.

"Oh no! Wait, come back!" Nekonome wailed.

"I'll get him!" Tsukune told her and dashed after the small cat.

He caught a glimpse of it getting outside but once there he lost track of it. Knowing how dangerous it was for a kitten to be all on his own Tsukune searched desperately but couldn't spot him. As he was hunting about a group of seven or eight girls were walking his way. He decided to plead with them for help.

"Excuse me!" He called out getting the attention of the girls.

"Yes?" One of them asked.

"I am desperately trying to find a little pussy," he told them honestly. "Could one or all of you help me?"

XXX

Following his beating Tsukune woke up in the hospital surrounded by Moka, Kurumu, Ruby, Yukari, and Mizori. As soon as he opened his eyes Moka spoke.

"Tsukune! We all heard what you said to those girls and we are all very angry with you!"

"That's right!" Kurumu cried out looking on the verge of tears. "If you wanted some pussy all you ever had to do was say so! I'd have given it to you until you begged me to stop!"

"I would have been happy to do many, many things with you," Ruby said blushing.

"You can make me a woman any time you want Tsukune! Desu!"

"You know Tsukune," Mizore said popping the candy out of her mouth. "I can suck other things besides lollipops."

Moka's face was flushed and she looked on the verge of fainting..

"I was just looking for a cat," Tsukune said weakly.

XXX

Nekonome found the kitten cowering in some bushes near where it had witnessed Tsukune's beating.

"There you are!" She happily scooped up the kitten and placed him safely into her purse where no one could see him.

She then began heading back to her apartment.

On her way she talked loudly to herself. "I'm going home and spend all tonight just playing with my pussy!"

A pair of male students tripped and fell down as they watched her go past.


	10. Oops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more idea inspired by the IMs between me and Mistress Winowyl. She really is a bad influence on me. Bad Mistress bad!

"Hey Ruby! Watch me pull a magic potion out of my hat! Desu!"

"Oh come on Yukari! Those tricks never work."

"This time for sure!" The young witch reached in and produced a small crystal perfume bottle with a sprayer. "This is my new super duper improved aphrodisiac! One sniff and the person falls totally and completely in love with the first person they see! Desu! With this I'll make Tsukune and Moka finally act on their feelings, and once that happens I'm sure I'll be invited into their warm bed."

Yukari promptly set off for the newspaper room to find them.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?' Ruby mumbled.

XXX

Arriving at the club room she was disappointed to see Gin there trying to flirt with Moka. Tsukune was nearby looking annoyed while Moka was trying to politely dissuade him.

"Grrrr, stupid werewolf," Yukari muttered. "I guess I'll have to wait until later to…"

"Hey short stuff!" Kurumu playfully tackled the little girl. "What are you up to hiding by the door?"

"Oops!" The bottle went flying from her hands.

It landed shattering and covering Gin and Tsukune with it's contents. The two boys were choking with eyes closed. Then opened them to look at one another.

"Oh no," Yukari wailed.

"What?" Kurumu asked.

"Tsukune are you all right?" Moka asked coming up to him looking concerned.

Ignoring her he only had eyes for Gin. "Gin-san."

"Tsukune," Gin said breathily.

"Gin-san."

"Tsukune."

And suddenly they were all over each other kissing and grabbing.

Moka stood there in utter horror her mouth hanging open. "What are you two doing? Stop that! Tsukune!"

Kurumu grabbed Yukari about the collar and began shaking her violently. "You idiot! Was that a love potion?"

"Ma… maybe."

"How many times have I told you to leave the love potions to me?"

Tsukune and Gin were on the floor their jackets cast aside.

"Hey!" Moka shouted. "Clothes stay on!"

At this moment Mizore popped her head in from a window and saw what was happening. "Well this explains a lot," she said around her lollipop.

"Come on!" Kurumu shouted to the other girls. "Lets pull them apart before something tragic happens.

XXX

Eventually the girls were able to separate them before things could get beyond the heavy petting stage.

The next day the two of them ran into each other at club again.

"That was disgusting!" Tsukune said.

Gin nodded. "Tell me about it, I was throwing up all night."

"Let's never speak of it again."

"It never happened." Gin agreed.

The girls were all relieved and decided to let Yukari out of the cage.

Once club was over Tsukune and Gin were the last ones to leave. Gin looked about carefully to make sure they were alone.

"So… my room? Midnight?"

Tsukune nodded. "I'll see you then."

They both quickly went their separate ways.


	11. Because I'm dead

What if Ling Ling was part of the harem?

XXX

"Tsukune? May I ask you something?"

"Sure, what is it Ling Ling?"

"Do you have any interest in necrophilia?"

"Wha… what?"

"You know, because I'm dead."

XXX

"She asked you what?" Moka said with a blank look.

"She asked me if I was interested in necrophilia."

"What's that?" Kurumu asked.

"The desire or act of sex with a dead body. Desu."

"That's sick," Mizore said from behind a shrub.

The girls all nodded while Tsukune looked uncomfortable.

"Hello again Tsukune," Ling Line greeted with a small smile.

"Uh, hey Ling Ling."

"Hey you!" Kurumu got up into the girl's face. "What's the big idea harassing Tsukune?"

"What are you talking about?" Ling Ling asked in surprise.

"You can't ask someone about necrophilia! That's just sick!" Kurumu told her.

"It is?"

"Yes it is it's just plain disgusting!"

Ling Ling lifted an eyebrow. "Disgusting? So only the living are allowed to have sex? That's rather close minded. I mean think of all the advantages."

"Advantages?" Moka asked weakly.

Ling Ling smiled over at Tsukune. "If you want you can have all the unprotected sex with me you can handle. I mean you don't have to worry about diseases or getting me pregnant. You don't even have to buy me dinner, you know, because I'm dead."

Tsukune and the girls just stared at her with their mouths hanging open.

"Wow," Mizore said. "Even I find that pretty disturbing."

XXX

Tsukune and the others were at the newspaper club trying to forget what they'd heard when Ling Ling's brother showed up with a box with a red bow on it.

"Tsukune," Fong Fong said. "My sister is very sorry for causing you any trouble or upset and wanted you to have this present."

"Wow, this really wasn't necessary but tell her thanks." Tsukune accepted the gift. "I would really like to be friends with your sister, but some of the things she says are a little, well…"

"Creepy? Sick? Disgusting?" Kurumu suggested.

"I was going to say weird," Tsukune said apologetically.

"I'm sorry Tsukune," Fong Fong said. "My sister doesn't really have any living friends so she's a little inexperienced dealing with people. She really likes you though so please be understanding."

That said Fong Fong departed.

"You know I think he's right," Tsukune said. "I admit what she said freaked me out earlier but I really don't think she meant any harm by it."

"You're right Tsukune," Moka agreed. "She doesn't seem like a bad person."

"Anyway open your present Tsukune, I want to see what she gave you." Kurumu said.

All the girls leaned in close as he undid the bow and took the top off the box.

"Hey Tsukune," Ling Ling's severed head said from inside the cardboard box. "I hear guys love when a girl gives them head, so here you go!"

"GAAAAAHHH!" Not only Tsukune but the girls passed out in horror.

"Hey! It's okay, because I'm dead."


	12. All girls are

Mizore was alone in the newspaper club room just starting to work on her weekly advice column.

"Dear Snow Queen," Mizore was reading out loud. "I am desperately in love with a boy who doesn't know I am even alive and likes someone else. I love him so much!Tell me what can I do? Signed, Desperate Enough To Try Anything."

Mizore began tapping her reply out on the keyboard.

Dear Desperate,

I can sympathize. Very often boys fail to realize the depths and sincerity of a girl's devotion. You need to show him how much you really care. Start by leaving little notes where he is sure to find them. In his mail box, on his desk, under his door, on his pillow, or in his underwear drawer. Cute little messages like, "I am watching you" or "You belong only to me." Show him he matters to you.

If that doesn't work start following him around everywhere he goes in secret. Watch every thing he does and write it down. Not only will you better understand him, he will appreciate you going to so much trouble just for him!

Lastly, if all that isn't enough kidnap him and keep him tied up until he realizes you are the one for him. Trust me, sooner or later he'll come around, they always do.

Best of luck!

Mizore was just about to read her second letter when the door to the room slammed open and an agitated Kurumu walked in waving a paper about. "Mizore you've got to help me! It's a bloody mess!" She wailed.

"I'm sorry Kurumu, but I don't have any tampons with me right now."

"Not that!" Kurumu shouted. "That's not til next week. Here look at this!" She slapped down the paper in front of Mizore. There were red X's all along the front of it and at the top the number twenty was circled and underlined. "I am failing Algebra! If I don't pass the final I have to attend summer school!"

"That would be a shame, we're supposed to go to a beach resort for the summer trip," Mizore noted.

"I know! And I bought a brand new two piece that is guaranteed to make Tsukune fall in love with me. No way am I missing this trip!"

"Well what do you want me to do about it?" Mizore asked.

"You got an eighty five on the quiz right? I need you to tutor me!"

XXX

Meanwhile...

"Gin sempai please don't take this the wrong way, but you're an idiot." Tsukune told him. "You don't honestly believe what you're saying do you?"

Gin sniffed and looked superior. "Listen Tsukune, I wouldn't expect a virgin like you to understand, but believe me it's so. All girls are a little bit lesbian."

"That's just dumb."

"It's a fact!" Gin insisted. "It's natural for them in a way that it isn't for us guys. If a girl becomes too sexually frustrated waiting on a man she turns to other women to satisfy her desires. You should really be worried."

Tsukune lifted a questioning eyebrow. "Why would that worry me?"

"Are you kidding? Moka, Kurumu, Mizore, and Ruby are all in danger of going over to the dark side! I'd count Yukari too except taking care of her would be a felony. Mizore and Kurumu are in especially great danger thanks to you!"

"How do you figure that?"

"Well haven't they already shared a kiss?"

Tsukune missed a step and almost stumbled as the memory came into his mind. Seeing those two share a kiss had been a very pleasant moment for him. "That... that was an exception. There were special circumstances, and Kurumu only did it to keep Mizore from hurting herself."

"It doesn't matter why she did it, it was still a kiss. It's a first step! A kiss is like a gateway drug! Don't kid yourself Tsukune, if you don't do something soon they'll become full blown lesbians who lose all interest in men. It's your duty to do whatever you have to to prevent that!"

"So you're saying I have to have sex with them for the greater good?" Tsukune asked dryly.

"That's right," Gin said nodding. "Them and Ruby. It would be a crime against all men everywhere to lose such hot girls because you couldn't do what was necessary."

"Wait a minute! What about Moka?"

Gin grinned from ear to ear. "Don't worry, I'll take care of her for you. What are friends for?"

"You're a real pal," Tsukune told him. "You're also still an idiot."

"Fine, but don't blame me after they've moved in together and are wearing matching outfits. Anyway I'll see you later."

"Hey! Aren't you coming to club?"

"Can't, I've got a hot date with a griffin."

XXX

Tsukune arrived at the club room with Gin's idiotic advice still ringing in his ears. The door was partially open. He was about to go inside when he noticed Mizore and Kurumu already there. To his surprise he saw Kurumu reach out and grab both of Mizore's hands while looking at her imploringly.

"Mizore I am begging you to do this for me! I'm absolutely desperate!"

Tsukune froze. Neither girl noticed him at the door.

Mizore shifted the lollipop in her mouth and appeared unhappy. "Why are you asking me? Wouldn't you much rather do this with Tsukune? You could invite him to your room and have him teach you what you need to know."

"No way!" Kurumu cried. "He's my Destined One! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it would be to admit to him I'm no good at this?"

"I don't think he would find it shocking," Mizore pointed out.

"No!" Kurumu said defiantly.

"Fine, but if you need someone to help you figure this out why me? Wouldn't you rather do this with Moka or better yet Yukari? I would actually think Yukari would be the best choice for you."

In the hallway Tsukune shuddered.

"That little flat chested know it all?" Kurumu declared indignantly. "Can you even imagine the attitude she'd get if I came to her and admitted I needed her help to figure this out?"

"I don't think she'd bee too surprised, and she knows more about this than any of us."

Again Tsukune shuddered.

"I don't care! I am NOT going to Yukari for help. I'm not going to Moka either, she's my rival for Tsukune and I refuse to admit weakness to her!"

"But it's okay with me?"

"Oh come on," Kurumu pleaded. "Be a friend and do this with me! If you do I'll make us snacks and I promise to try really, really hard. Who knows? Maybe it'll even be fun."

Mizore sighed. "Fine, but you know this will mean us spending hours alone in my room going at it right? I expect we'll have to pull some all nighters too."

Kurumu nodded. "I'll do whatever it takes so that I can be with Tsukune! No matter how awful it is I'm willing to go at it all day and night if I need to! Though I expect it to be rough."

"Well I'm not looking forward to this either," Mizore said. "I think I should warn you that since you've come to me I'm going to be pretty hard on you. I'll expect you to listen to what I tell you to do and I won't be happy if you're not obedient."

"Fine, fine," Kurumu agreed. "I'll bend over backwards for you and be totally submissive. Just one thing though, Tsukune must never find out about this. If he knew what we were doing he would lose all respect for me."

"I really don't think you're giving Tsukune enough credit." Mizore told her. "He is very understanding. I'm sure he wouldn't think any less of you just because this is something you really need. In fact I'm sure he'd be more than happy to join us."

"No, I could never ask him to do that! It would be too embarrassing!"

"You don't need to ask Kurumu-chan!" Tsukune suddenly entered.

"Tsukune!" Kurumu cried in horror. "How long have you been there?"

"Ah, for awhile, sorry but I heard what you and Mizore were talking about."

"Oh no," Kurumu hung her head in shame. "You must be so disappointed in me!"

"Well I have to admit I'm surprised," his face reddened a bit. "Not only at what you were asking but also at Mizore's agreement."

"Well I'm not thrilled about it," Mizore admitted. "But she is a friend, and this is important to her."

"Ah, I understand." Tsukune said. "I don't want Kurumu to do this when it's obviously something that makes her uncomfortable. So, if you two are okay with it, uhm, I would be willing to join you."

"Really Tsukune? You don't mind?" Kurumu said clearly relieved.

He swallowed and nodded his head. "If... if you're determined to do this no matter what, and Mizore is willing to help you then how can I not?"

Mizore smiled. "You really are a great guy to help us with this, of course we'd be thrilled to have you there too."

"Yahoo! The more the merrier!"

"Okay then," Tsukune said.

"How about we start tonight?" Mizore suggested. "We can meet in my room at eight and go at it for a couple of hours?"

"A couple of hours?" He said weakly. "I'm not sure if I'm up to that."

Mizore shrugged. "As long as you can then, we'll be doing this most nights right up until finals. We can take breaks if it gets to be too much."

"I'll make snacks too," Kurumu offered.

"Well okay then I'll do my best," Tsukune answered nervously. "I've never had sex before so I really hope I'm able to satisfy you both."

Kurumu's jaw dropped.

Mizore's lollipop fell out.

"Tsukune," Mizore spoke carefully. "You... you want us to have a threesome? You want to have sex with both of us?"

He looked from one astonished face to the other. "That is okay right?"

The two girls shared a look.

"Works for me," Kurumu said.

"Me too," Mizore added.

XXX

Meanwhile...

"Ahhhhh..." Gin lay groaning beneath half a dozen iron cauldrons.

"Thank you Yukari," Moka said.

"Not a problem, what was all that about though? Desu?"

"I have no idea! He kept saying something about me going to the dark side."


	13. The most evil person

This is a response to Rosario Vampire Season 2 chapter 39

XXX

"Tsukune!" Kurumu shouted as she woke up in a strange bedroom.

Looking about at her unfamiliar surroundings she caught her breath and gathered her thoughts. "A dream, it was just a dream."

"Is something wrong darling?"

Kurumu looked over to see a naked Gin lying in the bed next to her.

"Tears don't suit you Kurumu-chan." He said in a knowing bedroom voice. "Come here and I'll make it all better."

Kurumu's response was eloquent and well thought out.

"KYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" She screamed as she beat him with a chair.

"What happened ? Where are we? Why were we in the same bed? I don't remember anything from last night."

As she was standing there over a prostrate Gin she noticed something on the sheets. A small stain of what looked to be blood. Her jaw dropped and both her hands fell to the spot between her legs.

"No… no way… me and Gin? We? We did…" She turned a murderous look on the boy and her claws snapped out. "You knew I loved Tsukune and you still forced me! I'll kill you!"

"Wait! This is all a terrible misunderstanding!" He whimpered as his life flashed before his eyes.

WHAM! CRACK! SMACK! CRUNCH!

"I guess I should clear things up." Mizore said as she popped her head up from beneath the bed. "All Gin did was look after you while you were sick. I'm not sure why he's naked though."

"Mizore!" Kurumu momentarily stopped her assault on Gin while he was still alive.

"The love scene I was looking forward to didn't occur so don't worry."

"What are you doing here?" Kurumu demanded. "And what exactly were you looking forward to you stalker?"

Mizore popped up from beneath the bed. "Ah by the way, I put that blood there as a prank. Surprised you didn't I?"

Kurumu stood there and stared at her for a second.

"Uh, you all right?"

XXX

"But did you have to actually kill her?" Tsukune asked in horror.

"Yes Tsukune," Kurumu told him. "I really, really did."

XXX

With this chapter it is now official. Forget Akuha, Hakuto, or Kuyou. Mizore is now clearly the most evil character in the RV world.


	14. The perfect insult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another story idea inspired by Mistress Winowyl. She is suuuuuuuch a bad influence. Also for any of you who have not read my RV stories Ria is a favorite OC of mine.

Another Cultural Festival had come to Youkai Academy.

That meant that along with former students there were parents and other relatives all over the school grounds. Among these was a certain dark haired and voluptuous beauty with a rosario about her neck. She was Sekitan Ria, Moka's oldest sister. No one was happy to see her for two reasons. One she hated her half-sister Moka and would no doubt try to make her miserable. Two she was interested in Tsukune and none of the girls in the harem wanted yet another gorgeous vampire chasing after him.

From a safe distance Kurumu and Mizore were looking on.

"I wish we could get rid of that girl somehow." Kurumu said.

"Want me to freeze her in a block of ice?" Mizore asked.

"I don't think that would hold her long enough." Kurumu said with depressing certainty.

"Say, isn't that your mom over there?" Mizore said pointing.

Sure enough there was a beautiful aqua haired woman with even more spectacular breasts than Kurumu's.

"Crap!" Kurumu ducked down.

"Something wrong?" Mizore asked while still standing where she was.

"If my mom spots me she'll definitely try to make me lead her to Tsukune."

"What's wrong with that?"

"My mom is still determined to use her body to teach Tsukune how to satisfy a woman! I've told her I'm the only one allowed to do that!"

"huh, you know I'm starting to see a pattern here." Mizore said.

"Oh shut up and let's get out of here before she spots us."

Kurumu and Mizore snuck away.

Meanwhile a certain young witch who had gone unnoticed had come up with a plan!

XXX

The plan was actually quite simple, though brilliant. Yukari would get Ria and Ageha to fight. Since violence was not allowed during the festival both of them would be ejected and there would be two fewer threats to divert Tsukune away from Moka and their eventual threesome.

Yukari approached Ria. "Excuse me. Sekitan-san?"

"Yes?" Ria said eying the little witch coolly.

"I just thought you might want to know that woman over there." Yukari pointed directly at Ageha. "says she had sex with your boyfriend."

"Which one? I have six at the moment."

Yukari blushed. "Er, she… she also said she did your dad."

"Oh, so she's a part of father's harem? Well I hope she did my father well."

Yukari's mouth dropped open. "She… she…"

"Yes?"

Not sure what else to say Yukari took a shot in the dark. "She, ah, er… said she's a much bigger skank than you are and sucks a much better dick."

"THAT BITCH!"

Filled with a murderous rage Ria tore off her rosario and launched herself at an unsuspecting Ageha.

XXX

"It looks like Ria and Ageha are both going to survive their wounds." Mizore said. "It also looks like all the damage to the school should be repaired within a couple of months."

"That's great," Kurumu said.

"Does that mean you'll let me out of this cage now? Desu?"

"I'll think about it." Kurumu said and threw some bird seed at her.


	15. Sacrifice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As so often happens this story came out of PMs I have with Mistress Winowyl.

Their attempt to rescue Moka aboard the Floating Fortress had failed. In the end Tsukune, Ruby, Kurumu, Mizore, Yukari, and Fong Fong had all been placed in a single cell along with Outer Moka. Though they were now all trapped Tsukune and Moka were at least able to embrace and be together again.

"Oh Tsukune, everyone, you shouldn't have come here." Moka said.

"It's okay Moka-chan," Tsukune said. "We all made the decision to come here and none of us regret it."

"Speak for yourself I don't want to die!" Fong Fong said weeping in the corner like a girl.

Ignoring him the others turned their attention back to Moka.

"So what happens how?" Kurumu asked. "Has Alucard been revived?"

"Almost but not yet," a beautiful dark haired vampire said from the other side of the cell door.

"Akuha! What's going on?" Moka asked.

Akuha sighed. "I really wish it were the other version of you Moka, the inner you is so cute." She blushed and pressed her hands to her face. "I mean it, soooooo cute!"

"Well that's great and all," Kurumu said. "While I hate to interrupt your sis-com fantasy would you mind telling us what's going to happen?"

Akuha grinned. "It turns out there is one last requirement to fully awaken Alucard, he needs a virgin sacrifice."

"Vi… virgin?" Moka said nervously.

"Oh don't worry sis, I talked to Gyokuro and she's promised to spare you and all your friends except for the one she ends up, picking."

They all looked at one another.

"I'll be the one to be sacrificed." Tsukune said. "I'll volunteer."

"No Tsukune! I'll do it" Moka said.

"No I'll do it!" Kurumu said.

"No me!" Mizore said.

"I'll do it, desu!"

"I will sacrifice myself!" Ruby said.

"Do what you want with the others but let me live!" Fong Fong said.

The girls quickly stomped on him.

Akuha laughed. "You really have some interesting friends sister, I'm glad most of them will get to keep you company. The sacrifice will be made at midnight and Gyokuro will decide then who she wants. Enjoy your last few hours as a group."

XXX

"I can't believe after everything we've been through one of us is going to die." Moka said as she clutched onto to Tsukune.

"This is unfair! If only we weren't all virgins!" Kurumu cried.

"Uhm, doesn't that mean if we all had sex we'd be safe?" Mizore asked.

Everyone gave a start.

"She's right! Yahoo! I get to have sex with my Destined One!" Kurumu began pulling off her clothes.

"My dream is coming true after all! Desu!" The twelve year old loli began to do the same.

"Master and I will get to do many, many things together! Maybe I could use these clothes to tie myself up." Ruby said.

"Now hold on!" A nervous Tsukune called out. "Everyone stop taking their clothes off and calm down."

"Tsukune! Are you saying you WANT one of us to die?" Moka asked as she began to unbutton her shirt.

"Moka you too? You're… you're okay with… with all of us…"

"Well it's not ideal by any stretch but I don't want anyone to die. Now let's get those pants off." Moka said and grabbed his belt.

"I'll help," Mizore said. "I've got experience with this." Both women worked to get Tsukune's pants down.

"This is my first time so please be gentle with me Tsukune-kun." Fong Fong said.

"Hey! There are five girls here! I am NOT helping you with this!"

"But you're helping everyone else," Fong Fong whined. "I don't want to be left out."

"Never mind the effeminate Chinese guy," Kurumu said excitedly. "It's orgy time!"

"Hey!" Tsukune cried as he was swarmed under by five eager girls.

XXX

Later

"None of them are virgins anymore? Really?" Gyokuro said in surprise. "Not even the gay guy?"

"No not even him, apparently that little witch girl has really low standards." Akuha said.

"Kids these days," Gyokuro muttered.

"So what do we do now? We still need a virgin."

"Not to worry, I had someone in mind all along just in case."

XXX

A Few Days Later...

Alucard was rampaging across the face of the Earth and mankind's civilization was quickly collapsing into chaos.

"So Gin huh?" Tsukune said as he massaged Gyokuro's feet. "I have to admit I never saw that coming.

"Eh, I always kind of suspected." Moka said as she and the other girls mopped the floor.


	16. Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I am sure all of you are aware Mistress Winowyl and I regularly chat and share ideas about various stories. Recently in her story 'Take What Is Yours' there was a scene in chapter 22 in which Kurumu crashed down from a great height expecting to die. Instead she was saved by a huge pile of snow created by Mizore. I had an idea for the scene which I found entertaining but Mistress decided to go in another direction. With her permission I am putting down different versions of that scene here.

Everything was white.

Kurumu imagined her death would have been a lot of things: Painful, noisy, messy, alone…

…but all she could see was white.

White was all about her and she felt…cold.

Looking up in a haze she saw a feminine figure standing over her.

"Are you my angel?" Kurumu asked.

"Yes," the figure answered.

"Are you taking me to heaven?"

"Sorry, but you're headed to the other place."

"Wha… what? I'm going to Hell?"

"Well you are a stripper…"

That was when Kurumu's vision cleared and she recognized who was standing there. "Mizore!"

"Since you're no longer bound to this world can I have all your stuff?"

XXX

"Are you my angel?" Kurumu asked.

"Yes," Mizore answered.

"Are you taking me to heaven?"

"That depends," Mizore answered in a serious tone. "How much money have you given to your local church?"

XXX

"Are you my angel?" Kurumu asked.

"Yes," Mizore answered.

"Are you taking me to heaven?"

"Well I'd really, really like to, but we have some strict requirements. Have you ever shoved a boy's face into your breasts, kissed a girl, or tried to make someone love you using a charm?"

"Oh crap…"

XXX

"Are you my angel?" Kurumu asked.

"Yes," Mizore answered.

"Are you taking me to heaven?"

"Yes I am. You did make your reservations on line right?"

"Reservations?" Kurumu asked confused.

The angelic figure shrugged. "How else would you reserve a place?"

XXX

"Are you my angel?" Kurumu asked.

"Yes," Mizore answered.

"Are you taking me to heaven?"

"Well I would, but we have a strict weight limit for all women wanting to enter and I'm afraid you're over."

"What? Seriously? You're sending me to Hell because I'm too heavy?"

"No, not Hell, but some place almost as bad. South Dakota."

XXX

"Are you my angel?" Kurumu asked.

"Yes," Mizore answered.

"Are you taking me to heaven?"

"I will but you must answer one question first. What is the square root on one hundred and forty four?"

"What?" Kurumu shouted. "How would I know that?"

The angelic figure sighed. "See? You should have studied."

XXX

"Are you my angel?" Kurumu asked.

"Yes," Mizore answered.

"Are you taking me to heaven?"

"That depends, what faith do you belong to?"

"Er, I don't really follow a specific religion. I just try to live my life as best I can and be a good person."

"Well, sucks to be you milk girl. The correct faith was Mormon. You're bound for Hell."

XXX

"Are you my angel?" Kurumu asked.

"Yes," Mizore answered.

"Are you taking me to heaven?"

"I'd like to, but you're on out permanently banned list."

"What? How come?"

"Remember summer break in Tijuana and ending up on that 'Girls Gone Wild' tape? That thing you did with those three sorority girls, that can of whipped cream, and bag of cherries?"

"But… but… I was drunk and they paid me to do that!"

"Oh, well in that case it's all right then."

"Really?"

"No, not really, off to Hell you go."


	17. Last words

They were within the Flying Fortress as Alucard was beginning to awaken.

Tsukune and Inner Moka were facing a furious Akuha. Moka's eldest sister was in a murderous rage after having just seen Moka open her heart to Tsukune rather than to her. Ruby was present but she was badly hurt and had used up nearly all her strength. Mizore and Kurumu were there too, unconscious and seriously injured.

"I won't let you have Moka!" Akuha screamed and rushed head long at Tsukune.

"Tsukune look out!"

From out of nowhere Kurumu knocked him safely out of the way.

In the very next instant Akuha's invisible blade sliced into Kurumu; nearly cutting her in half and sending her blood gushing out. The brave succubus tumbled to the floor wordlessly.

"Kurumu!" Tsukune shouted. The shinzo blood in his came to a boil and its full power engulfed him. His rage was always greatest when he saw his friends in danger. He would do things to save them that he would not do for himself.

In a flash he crossed the space between him and Akuha and delivered a punch that shattered her jaw and sent her through the fortress bulkhead.

And just like that the fight was over.

XXX

Tsukune was kneeling over Kurumu. A weeping Inner Moka and Ruby were standing beside him. The wound was obviously mortal, and it was so grievous that not even vampire blood could save her.

Ever so gently Tsukune took one of Kurumu's hands and spoke softly to her. "Kurumu?"

Her eyes fluttered open and she somehow managed a weak smile. "Tsukune? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine Kurumu. Are you… are you in pain?"

"No, but I… I feel cold. I'm not going to make it am I?"

Ruby let out a sob and Tsukune could feel his own throat tighten. Moka tried to wipe away her tears and look strong.

"No, you're not." He choked out. "I'm so sorry Kurumu-chan."

"It's okay Tsukune; I died protecting my Destined One. That's enough for me." She gasped and coughed up blood. The end was obviously near. "I love you."

"I love you too Kurumu."

With her other hand she reached up and stroked his cheek with trembling fingers. "Hey… if I'd lived… would you have married me?"

"Yes," Tsukune said as his heart was breaking.

"Really?" Kurumu gasped. "Do… you swear?"

"Yes, I swear."

"Yahoo! I'm marrying my Destined One!"

Kurumu was suddenly on her feet. All the blood and any sign of a wound miraculously gone.

"What? What just happened?" Tsukune asked in confusion.

"Oh, all that was just an illusion Tsukune, everyone, sorry."

"An illusion?" Tsukune shouted not believing it. "Kurumu I thought you were dying!"

"I know, and I'm sorry, but look on the bright side! It gave you the motivation to kick Akuha's butt AND it let me finally beat out Moka and land my Destined One!"

"Kurumu how could you do something so deceitful and underhanded just to get an advantage with Tsukune?" Moka demanded

Kurumu stopped and stared at her for a moment. "Have you met me?"

Moka growled and had to have Tsukune restrain her.

"Well let's hurry up and stop Alucard and save the world. I really want to call my mom and start planning the wedding!"


End file.
